Every Season

My Anne post

2010-07-30T17:30:00.000-07:00

I realize it has been quite sometime since I last blogged, and my last blog was a little on the depressing side. Let me assure you my soul has been refreshed.

The above pictures were taken at Prince Edward Island in Canada. My husband and I, along with my mother and father, just returned from a wonderful sojourn there. Everywhere we turned we saw the beauty of God's creation. It was in the bellowing waves that crash gently on the red sandstone beaches. It was in the rolling green pastures that melted into the red cliffs. It was in the endless fields of wildflowers which dotted the green earth with reds, pinks, purples, and yellows. I fell in love with the island just as I had two years earlier.

No wonder L.M. Montgomery the authoress of the Anne of Green Gables books loved her homeland. It truly is the most splendid place I've visited.

So folks, my soul is refreshed, refreshed by God's beauty.

I challenge you to look around and soak up the beauty in God's creation. How much more does the creator care for you?!

Reminder

2010-06-29T14:27:00.000-07:00

I've blogged about this song in the past. Today, I needed to read through this beautiful hymn again...let it soak into your soul.

I Surrender All All to Jesus, I surrender,
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love & serve Him
In His presence, daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all,
All to Thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all

All to Jesus, I surrender
Humbly at his feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken
Take me Jesus, take me now

I surrender all, I surrender all,
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus, I surrender;
Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
Truly know that Thou art mine.
I surrender all, I surrender all,
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus, I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to Thee;
Fill me with Thy love and power;
Let Thy blessing fall on me
surrender all, I surrender all,
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Now I feel the sacred flame.
O the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to His Name!

Judson W. Van DeVenter, 1896

For Now

2010-06-29T10:16:00.000-07:00

There are times when I don't feel I deserve anything, especially happiness. When it's a struggle to take delight in anything around me....people, nature, anything. Today has been one of those days. I'm finding it hard to be strong, to be the person God wants me to be.

I don't measure up and I'm constantly drowning in my feelings of inadequacy. I feel that in some way or another I let everyone I know down...and consequently myself as well. It's difficult to walk around with insecurities and burdens.

What's the answer? Will I ever be able to measure up? Will I ever be completely satisfied with who I am?

I would venture to say the answer is NO! that is not until I give it over to God.

Lord,
help me to surrender my struggles and burdens. I lay them at your feet.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

2010-04-04T15:39:00.000-07:00

Well....it certainly has been a long time since I have last posted! I would love to sugar coat the truth and say that the last few months have been amazing and I've conquered many of my struggles, but that would just not be true.Looking back I would describe these past few months as being some of the most difficult. There were some days I was just tried of trying.

side note:
I hesitate sometimes to write my feelings out. I fear being so vulnerable, but then I have to stop and think...If I'm feeling this way there has to be other women feeling the same. I want them to know that there is some out there that can share in their struggles, that can relate. Otherwise it could be a very lonely feeling. So, that is what gives me the strength to write.

When you wake up every day with a horrible feeling of inadequacies and you live that way day after day, with a good day sandwich in between every so often, you get tired...tired of fighting. That is how I was feeling. I felt uncomfortable in my skin. I thought I needed to lose weight, buy nicer clothes, do my hair a certain way....but even when I exercised an excessive amount, and bought new clothes and did my hair a different way, I still felt empty. I still felt like I didn't measure up.

I've come to realize again (I say again, because this thought has entered my brain on more than one occasion) that I won't EVER measure up to what the world says I should look like or feel like! It's impossible and I shouldn't want to be like them...I should want to be what God has created me to be. Why is it so difficult for me to understand that I was made perfect..just they way I am. I won't be made perfect by making myself look like Hollywood says I should look.

Psalm 139: 13-16

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

These past few months I have lost the battle many times, because I have tried to fight on my own. Why did I think I could do it on my own...I needed Jesus! He is King of all and He has already won the battle! There is nothing He does not know. He knows the struggles you are going through, He knows why, He know how to conquer them...

My relationship with my Lord is a work in progress, but I don't want to wake up everyday feeling the way I have been...I'm giving it over to my Savior, for my burden is too heavy but His yoke is light.

I love this song by Hillsong United...my favorite part..."no weapons forged against me shall remain" With Jesus nothing can hold me down or wage war against me...I'm on the winning side.

What battles are our in right now? What do you need to give over to God?

The Desert Song
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

Jesus...My Hero.

2010-01-21T06:06:00.000-08:00

I'm sure some of you have seen this skit before....but every time I watch it it almost brings me to tears. It hurts me to know how many struggling people there are in this world...and I'm one. I've been caught up in the things of the world. I've succumbed to some of the pressures that Hollywood and this world squash you with. I've always wanted to achieve perfection, but my failing was that I was measuring my perfection to the worlds standards and not Christ's standards. There was never any satisfaction in my life, I always felt I never measured up. Praise the Lord I don't have to struggle anymore...I'm redeemed by the blood of Christ. Thank you Jesus for fighting for me and saving me. I don't have to work to make myself perfect anymore, I am perfect...in Christ. I'm made in His imagine and He loves me just the way I am.

Jesus...You are my hero!!

Please if you are struggling let Him be your HERO! It's all He wants.

What is keeping you from letting Jesus rescue you from your struggles?

Christmas = Christ's Love

2009-12-09T10:44:00.000-08:00

I Love Christmas... the smells, the traditions, the food, the time we have to spend with family and friends, and, yes, even the cheesy Hallmark movies. I love it all!!!

During the Christmas season we find ourselves being inundated with everything the world tells us Christmas should be...We should be spending as much money as possible, to buy the biggest and best gifts for one another. We should be stressed out running from store to store. Competition is in the air, who got the most expensive, or most cherished gift. Is this your idea of Christmas?

What I am going to suggest is a different kind of Christmas. One that is filled with LOVE, and PEACE. Mine is a Christmas centered around CHRIST.

Giving and getting gifts is not a bad thing. What I am saying is that above all the world tells us Christmas is...is what it really is. It's a time to celebrate the birth of our Savior! Think about how he came into the world. How he lived the perfect life. How he treated and loved others. Shouldn't we try to be more like HIM? He gave of Himself in the greatest why possible, He gave his life for us! For you, for me, for your neighbor, your brother, your enemy! Why is it so hard for us to give just a little? This Christmas I encourage you to give of your time, spend extra time with family and friends. Take time to help a stranger or person in need, and give someone a chance to see Jesus in you!

BUT don't STOP there...continue throughout the year...imagine all the people you can effect. Spread JESUS. LOVE people. Help them see JESUS and the true meaning of Christmas. I promise it's contagious ;)

Enjoy this video...the inspiration for this blog!

Thanksgiving

2009-11-27T08:08:00.000-08:00

The Act of Giving Thanks

I know I'm a day late in this blog, Thanksgiving was yesterday, but to me thanksgiving is something that we need to practice on a daily basis. It's not just a day when we stuff our face with turkey and pumpkin pie. The act of giving thanks is a verb, an action. We need to tell people and more importantly God what we are thankful for. My husband and I started a new routine a year or so ago. Everyday we tell each other three things we are thankful for that day. But, I don't think we should stop there, we need to express to God our thanksgivings.

" Let us come before God with Thanksgiving..." Psalm 95:2

" Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise..." Psalm 100:4

" Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything with prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding , will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

" I thank my God every time I remember you..." Philippians 1:3

Thank you God for:
Loving me even when I choose not to love myself. Thank you for creating me just the way I am. Forgive me when I do not love myself, your creation, the way I should. Thank you for blessing me with a husband who loves me more than I sometimes deserve. Who above all desires to be in right standing with you! Thank you for a family that has encouraged me and raised me in a God fearing home. Thank you for working in my life and molding more and more everyday to become more like you!

What are you thankful for? I encourage you to go out and tell someone today why you are thankful for them...

"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe..."
Hebrews 12: 28

Two Boxes

2009-11-10T05:24:00.000-08:00

The Two Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes Which God gave me to hold; He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black, And all your joys in the gold."

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes Both my joys and sorrows I store; But though the gold became heavier each day, The black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black; I wanted to find out why-- And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God and mused aloud, "I wonder where my sorrows could be." He smiled a gentle smile at me. "My child, they're all here with Me."

I asked, "God, why give me the boxes, Why the gold, and the black with the hole?" "My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings, The black is for you to let go."

--Author unknown.

There are so many worries, and sorrows that burden us and weigh us down. How great is it to know that we have a God who delights in taking those sorrows from us.

As his child I am LOVED beyond any earthly LOVE. He LOVES me so much that he wants to take my burdens from me, so my black box will never become heavy! My soul can be at rest in Him...what a beautiful thought. God only wants us to count our blessings not our sorrows.

So many times I fail at this....daily I struggle with looking at the wonderful blessings in my life. It's so much easier for me to focus on the worries of the day.

Lord, help me to place my worries, and sorrows in my black box. Thank you for carrying my burdens and leaving only blessings for me to count. Help me to focus on the wonderful gifts that you have given me today, tomorrow, and forever!

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
~ 1 Peter 5:7

LOVE...

2009-11-03T13:38:00.000-08:00

So...it's been quite sometime since I have blogged. The past few days I have been busy with a persistent fever and cold. It hasn't been fun, but God has blessed me with an amazing husband and family that has cared for me unconditionally. I LOVE my family SO much!!!

To my BELOVED HUSBAND,
Thank you for your LOVE. Everyday I rediscover why I am the most fortunate woman in the world. I fall more in LOVE with you every minute. This past week has been the most fulfilling, despite being sick, I have loved every second of it. We don't have to be deep in conversation, just being with you makes me ridiculously happy :)
Thank you for working so hard to make my dreams a reality. Thank you for all you sacrifice to make me comfortable and happy. Thank you for making me smile everyday, even when I'm upset. Thank you for taking care of me when I am sick. Thank you for helping me grow closer to our LORD and SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST! I am unspeakably proud of you.

Thank you. for your LOVE. I LOVE you. more than words.

I Surrender...

2009-10-25T08:31:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite hymns is....

I Surrender All

All to Jesus, I surrender,
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love & serve Him
In His presence, daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all,
All to Thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all

All to Jesus, I surrender
Humbly at his feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken
Take me Jesus, take me now

I surrender all, I surrender all,
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus, I surrender;
Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
Truly know that Thou art mine.

I surrender all, I surrender all,
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus, I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to Thee;
Fill me with Thy love and power;
Let Thy blessing fall on me

surrender all, I surrender all,
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Now I feel the sacred flame.
O the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to His Name!

Judson W. Van DeVenter, 1896

I surrender All to You Lord...ALL that I am, all that I have....
my failures
my worries
my burdens
my faults
my imperfections
my material possessions
my insecurities

There is nothing new to You. You know ALL that I am, take it please and make me new...I surrender to you my Lord, my King!

Thank you for loving me...even when I don't deserve it.
Thank you for carrying my burdens for me so that I don't have to bare them.

I LOVE you,
your daughter

My Prayer

2009-10-25T08:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord,
I pray that I would be refreshed in You. Some days I feel so distant and undeserving of what you have sacrificed for me. Help me Lord to meditate and bask in the Love that you have for me. Forgive me Lord when I fail to give you the praise You deserve. Forgive me when I choose not to make the right decisions, forgive me when I don't love someone the way you call me to. Forgive me for not loving myself the way you want me to. Forgive me of all the sins that entangle me. I pray that you would work in my life, mold me into a woman whose life pleases you. Help me to be more like you...I need your strength and guidance, I need Your everything. I can't make it without you!

Lord revive me!

I want to make you smile!

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies"

~Psalms 18:2-3

extraordinary

2009-10-19T12:02:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I was thrown out into the world of middle school and high school students. Besides feeling a little bit on the old side (I can't believe the oldest of these students was 10 years younger than me!) I felt God tugging on my heart and revealing something deeper to me.

For the past few weeks, months, and years, I've struggled with feelings of unworthiness. I felt unworthy of being loved by others and Christ, of being called talented, creative, or beautiful, I felt unworthy of someones attention, or admiration. I compared myself to every person I saw. I wanted to look more like them, or I wanted to have a talent they possessed. I admired their creativity, or their independence. I was never satisfied with myself, I wasn't happy being who I was. I was stuck in an endless cycle of desire and desperation. Desire to be something I wasn't and a desperation that drove me to an eating disorder.

Then, this weekend happened. I found myself surrounded with so many different personalities, different talents, different styles, different mannerisms. God brought to my attention how unique and special he created each one of them....but wait...I was one of them. He created me unique and special, unlike anyone else.

This is not the end of this journey, only the beginning. I would be lying if I said I never feel this way..in fact I feel this way more than not, but it is a step in the right direction. My desire now is not to be more like others, but to be who God created me to be. He created me perfectly and He loves me more than anyone can! That means he loves everything about me...wow! I am LOVED!! I am extraordinary!

"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb."
Pslam 139:13

Are you secure in who God created you to be?

Do you honor God by loving his creation, you?

Remembrance

2009-10-13T12:47:00.000-07:00

These past few days my thoughts have been wandering to my past. I've thought a lot about the people that have come into my life, some have stayed while others have faded from my view. Someone once told me...'people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.' I'm thankful for all those who have touch my life in some way or another. Some knowingly have left their footprints on my heart, others have no idea the impact they have made. It continually amazes me how God places just the right person in your life at just the right time. He knows the effect that one person could have on your life...for good or for bad, your encounter with that person has changed you in some way.

So, these past few days I've been remembering all those God-given gifts that have touched my life. I've learned a lot and I've changed a lot. I hope that I have made some impact on the lives of the people that God has placed before me. One thing that my reflections have taught me is to strive to make an impact, but not any impact, one that truly matters...one that points them to Christ. I want to be a light, not a dim light on the verge of burning out, but a bright, luminous light that blinds anyone who looks into it.

Lord, help me to show the people that you place in my life, the saving knowledge of your love and grace. I want to be what I'm called to be, a light to this world. A light of your hope, and love. Thank you for the relationships that you have placed in my life, help me to fulfill your reason in placing them there. Lord, forgive me when I fail to reach the people you want me to.

So, my question is this. What impact are you having on the people God places in your life?
I've thought about the happy times that I've had with my family. Times that are forever encapsulated in my mind, were they will always be preserved.

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
-Matthew 5:14-16

Perfectionism

2009-10-10T20:29:00.000-07:00

Perfectionist: One who believes in or professes any theory of perfection. One who will not accept or be content with anything short of perfection. (Websters)

I'm a perfectionist. Everything I do I want to be perfect, I want people to like me, my ideas, I want to be the best I can be. However, I do not expect perfection in others. In fact I often already view them as having already reached a state of perfection, and I view myself as some how inferior.

The world inundates us with so many images. Images that embody their idea of perfectionism. The world tells us...'to be beautiful you need to be a size 0, to be loved you should wear this type of clothing, to be attractive you should own this car.' Being the perfectionist I am I wanted all of the material things that the world was telling me I needed to be 'perfect'. I wanted to be the model of perfection by the worlds standards. I was trapped in an emotional roller coaster. One day I would feel like I achieved perfection, the next I was far from it. Let me tell you it's a very lonely place to be. You never measure up, there is always someone or something that is better than your 'perfect'. It's impossible to be perfect and be in the world. You see someone who is thinner than you, has nicer clothing than you, a newer car... When it gets to the point that you deprive your body of it's basic needs so that you can be 'the most perfect person' then it's far past the 'you need help point'. I was at that point. I would do anything to be the most perfect person, I would do anything to feel good about myself. Enter my husband, my helper.

It took him working with me and pointing me back to Christ to heal me. He reminded me that Christ made me 'perfect', maybe not by the worlds standards, but by His. I am a creation of God, His daughter, and He loves everything about me...so why don't I? I choose not to degrade His creation any longer. I want to serve my creator, and I want to become like Him, not like what the world tells me to be. I want to the type of woman that Christ calls me to be...

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

"Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised

Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 31:10-31

I'm striving everyday to live a life that Christ calls me to live. It's not always easy, but that's okay because I have the Lord on my side. When I'm feeling the worlds defeat, I just need to remember that my Father already defeated the world!

Are you resting in the belief that you are more valuable to your Creator than you are to this fleeting world?

2009-10-07T07:22:00.000-07:00

To my Husband,

You're my spiritual leader, my strength when I'm weak, my friend, my life-long companion, my counselor, my support, my encouragement, you're the one who knows me best and still to my wonderment loves me the most. Today an always, I am overwhelmingly thankful for you!

Thank you for loving our Lord above all and for serving Him with all your heart. I'm excited to go through this life with you holding my hand and lifting me up. Thank you for loving me the way Christ calls us to love one another. I'm truly at a loss for words to express how strong my feelings are for you! ...Thank you Jesus for the most wonderful man who loves me in the most wonderful ways!

I didn't think it was possible to be happier on our wedding day, but now having experienced life with you, I know I would have been even more elated to become your wife. You have made me so happy. I love the way you; make me laugh when I'm mad at you, always sing praises about me to other people, know what I'm going to say before I say it. I love the way you... love me more and more everyday, accept me for who I am, even my faults, and love me with all your heart because of them. You continually amaze me. I love growing closer to you and discovering more about you. I'm so excited about this journey we're on, that started almost 2 years ago.

Thank you for your love and your endless compassion. You are the only one who I would want to make this journey with.
I love you baby

LOVE NEVER FAILS...
1 Corinthians 13:8

Every Season

2009-09-25T08:38:00.000-07:00

Today is the day....

The day for what you ask?

The day that I begin a journey.

A journey that is...

long over due, and one that my husband started me on just a few short years ago, one that has the predetermined destination of growing me closer to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

I'm excited, yet leery of making my thoughts and feelings so accessible, yet I feel this is just what I need to begin. I need to learn to reflect and meditate on my life and the path that I am heading in. My true desire is to let go of my past, hurts, burdens and lay them ALL at Jesus' feet. I want Him to lead me, not my own selfish will. In order to do that I need to learn who I am in Christ.

So the journey begins...what lies ahead...only God knows :)

Today, I heard a beautiful song called "Every Season" by: Nichole Nordeman (yes, this is where I got the title for my blog) It made me think. Every change, challenge, pain, frustration, hurt, that comes into our lives is another season. Our lives are constantly altered sometimes for the better and sometimes not. The hope that this song talks about is the hope that Christ brings to our lives. He is there with us through ALL our seasons. We need only to run to Him for comfort and peace.

My Goal in writing this blog is to force myself to ponder my thoughts and feelings. How can I make this positive? Why do I feel this way? What could I have done better? I want to find my self worth in the Lord, not in what the world tells me. I'm on a journey to discover that. I know the road is long with many obstacles to traverse, but I have my Savior who is with me all the way. I hope that my journey might encourage others who may be going through the same season. We are all on a journey...mine is a journey to be the woman that God desires me to be. Right now I'm not there and this may be a journey that last forever, but it's one that I can't miss out on.

What is your journey?

A little while ago my husband started a new routine, everyday we say something we are thankful for. Today, I am thankful for the seasons that my life is going through and those I have been through. I'm thankful that I have a God who carries me through all my seasons and who loves me even though I am undeserving of His love. I thankful for the wonderful man He placed in my life. A man that leads me everyday in His ways, and loves me even when I am unlovable.

What are you thankful for?

"Every Season"
By:Nichole Nordeman

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring